I have a black tooth

by Matt Freire

When you ask me about my tooth I'll tell you
I have a black tooth
It's black as a hot dog placed on a stick over a fire for 33 and a half minutes
Black as India ink
Black as a freshly asphalted cul de sac
Black as my dilated pupils because I spy something visually euphoric
Black as black ink, on a black piece of paper, folded up and stuffed into a black bag, inside a black jacket, on a black man, with black hair, in a dark house, in a closet in the basement. In the pitch black dark, in the middle of night, in a dark forest with no shadows because everything is black
But it’s really not that black
More of a light gray
Its as light Grey as a tube of black a tube of white and a tube of gray acrylic paint all mixed together
It’s as light gray as what we really know what government is doing
It’s as light gray as a once black shirt from the thrift store with a faded metallic font across the chest
Its as light gray as a light gray haired man, in a light gray suit, with light gray socks, and a light gray tooth, in a light gray room. With light gray paisley wallpaper, with light gray carpet with a light gray flute playing light gray music giving a light gray atmospheric feel to this light gray room

So yeah when ever someone asks me about my tooth or tells me about my tooth
Like hay man what’s up with your tooth
I just say, yea it’s my black tooth
Mainly because I don’t like to say I have a light gray tooth it sounds boring
And also I’m lazy and black is easier to say then light gray
And it’s not as cool to say I have light gray tooth
Well I guess its not cool to have one either
But it is cooler to say I have a black tooth then a light gray tooth
But its probably not cool to have one either
And actually a lot of times I say my tooth is dead because that’s what it pretty much is

It’s as dead as a frog after you put it in a blender and turn it on mulch
It’s as dead as the morals in this country
It’s as dead as the ethics in this country
It’s as dead as Elvis and I am sorry to say he’s not coming back
It’s as dead as a fly who was eaten by a spider who was eaten by a lizard who was eaten by a bird who was eaten by a cat who ran a out in the middle of the road and hit by a car. Then a steamroller ran over the car and then a plane fell from the sky and smashed into the steamroller then a earthquake happened and the ground split open and the lot of them fell in to a molting river of lava
But I guess it’s not dead
Because I just have to get a few operations and the tooth will be fine
See my tooth moved side ways and pinched the artery. but the vein is still fine and it still is pumping blood into the tooth. And that pretty much would be the technical reason why the tooth is a little discolored
And your probably are wondering how I got this beautiful black, light gray, dead tooth.
I was on vacation at fort brag with a friend and his family and I was unicycling down to the beach to go watch with my friend and his dad abalone diving. But on the way I kept hearing comments like I always do when ever I unicycle any where
Like hay man you where’s half your bike
And hay, look what the circus left behind and a ton of other lame things like that
So any way I was uni-cycling and some college guys were pointing and laughing and one guy came up to me and asked if he could ride it
And normally I would let someone give it a go but I wasn’t in the mood and I was on my way to the beach
So this big dude he pushed me off my unicycle so being stupid and never turning down a fight I ran at him and gave him a right and left in the chest and the arm.
He jabbed out and caught my shoulder
And then a saw an opening at his sternum and I took it
As my fist made contact so did his
On my face
He punched me so hard I did a 180 turning my back to him and instinctively both of my hands covered my mouth
It felt like he swung a hammer at my teeth
And after like 30 seconds I turned back to face opponent. with my hands still covering my mouth
I think I knocked the wind out of him by the way he was holding his stomach
Blood was oozing out between my fingers
I moved my hands and spat a wad of blood at his feet and smiled at him
And then grabbed my unicycle and walked away
I felt like I was missing all my front teeth my face was numb and blood was running down my chin
I am so happy for adrenaline because with out it I think I would have died from the pain
I was glad the guy didn’t feel like fighting anymore
I figure he probably thought he did enough to me
So yea that was my freshman year of high school
And now I’m a freshman in college
And I still have this tooth
And it still hurts me today
But not in the physical way
But mentally
The hardest part of going on stage for me is opening my mouth and thinking about people looking at my tooth
And judging me by my tooth
And not listening to the words I say because they are to focused on my tooth
I hate it when people even talk about teeth
I hate it when I see people with perfect teeth
I hate commercials for teeth and how you would be so much cooler and everyone would like you so much better with perfectly white teeth
I don’t even smile with my mouth open anymore
I think about it when ever I meet someone
I think about it whenever someone looks at me
I think about it whenever I’m around anyone
I think about it whenever I look in the mirror and see this discussing dead, black, light gray piece of bone crookedly projecting out from the roof of my mouth
I always think about it.
I try to keep my mouth closed as much as I can for fear of it being seen

But you now what this black, light gray, dead tooth has taught me
To appreciate all the good things I have in my life
To not judge other people by any type of deformity that they might have
And something that has helped me out the most in my life
Is to shut my mouth and just listen